Thursday, April 3, 2014

A Year in Tennessee

It has been a year since we packed up our belongings and moved from California to Tennessee. A lot has happened this year - but for the most part, I feel like we've spent it settling into this new place we call home.

It hasn't been easy. I can admit that. I'm sure my complete disappearance from blogging proved it.

When we decided to move to a new state and "start over," I never took myself too literal about those words. But now I realize there are no truer words for how this past year has felt, or what has changed in a year. We are still the same people, yet everything is different.

The best way I can describe the past year and this move is by comparing it to a buoy on a lake. It just sits there bobbing around day in and day out, doing exactly what it's supposed to be doing, going through the motions. Maybe that's what it's like for me "settling" into this new place.

But what I've realized this past year is that it's not just a new place. It's been hard. It's a new Country, in a way. My husband and I both have felt like we moved to a new Country, and maybe I am home sick, I don't know. Maybe it just takes more time.

I've moved a lot in my life throughout California - but I always seemed to adjust well to the change in location. So I felt it would be the same here in Tennessee. For the most part it is. And I am not oblivious to the differences between California vs Tennessee. There have been many, many positive things from this move. And only a few negatives. So when I compare the positives to the negatives, I can conclude that it was a wise move for us.

But in all honesty, it has felt extremely lonely.

I grew up very liberal, and those liberal beliefs became even stronger as I earned my degree in Human Communication and Ethics, and have since been concreted in me as an adult. That is probably the Californian in me. I'm not a religious person, and that's just because there was no expectation for it in my upbringing. That last sentence is an entirely different post in itself. But also has a lot to do with why this has been a difficult move.

I love ALL people. I can't stand the word hate. I don't like participating in conversations about other people. I thrive in diversity. I make a very strong point within myself not to judge others, and I cannot breathe when someone who has NO IDEA who I am chooses to judge me.

Although we made the move to TN for personal reasons, and those reasons have come to fruition and been successful - I feel that we may have taken two steps forward in our family with our decisions on raising the kids and providing a better life for them, but I can't help but feel selfish when saying that I have taken three steps back when it comes to standing up for myself, my beliefs.

I have become silent. I have no one to talk to. No one who understands. And it is a lonely place, and it doesn't feel like home to me.

But if I sacrifice my comforts of home so that my kids can thrive, and grow, and be happy - then that is what I will continue to do. And I know with more time, I will learn how to make this place feel like home. Like California - maybe only within my four walls.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Oh Tuesday.

Weekly workouts:
Sunday: rest
Monday: 4 miles
Tuesday: squat & ab challenge day 1
Wednesday: 2 miles
Thursday: 4 miles
Friday: cross train (walk)
Saturday: 2 miles (speed intervals)

So far I am on track with these goals! I'm really hoping to stick to it, and treat it just like a weekly work schedule.

It's a tad hot and humid here right now - I really miss the outdoors!

Cody's not happy with me, I keep throwing his toys over the fence, and he essentially has a puppy meltdown over it. But it's entertaining. Hehe.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

I can see Fall just around the corner - I hope.

The heat. I'm very much done with it.

Cooler weather, Fall, the leaves all changing to beautiful autumn colors, and the crisp fresh smell in the air just can't get here soon enough for me. I'm really looking forward to experiencing the changing of season's.

My last real update on here was back in June. Yikes. What's been going on....

....Our granddaughter, Alanna Sophia, arrived on June 29th

we've celebrated the boys' birthdays, 11th and 14th (yikes)



watched in awe, the 4th of July celebrations and prayed no one lost a finger or eye (yay)

we got to meet our granddaughter (big YIKES and a YAY),

Auntie M and Alanna

Rocking her custom made Bison Booties

Papa Joe and Alanna

and now the kiddos are back in school (yay)!

They're all in middle school this year, 6th, 7th, and 8th grade. Lord help those teachers! :)

I can't leave out the pup....

he's doing just fine.

he especially loves being outside when it's raining and thundering. Crazy dog.

he's not easily amused.

Cody can't wait for Fall, either. I think he misses jogging in cooler weather just as much as I do!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Tuesday's are rough

Tuesday's are my long days at work, they always seem to be between 10-12 hours. But today I made a point to leave right at 10, because I still had to get a jog in.

It was a lot shorter than yesterday, but its really all the time I had. I'm cooking tacos for dinner as I type this - fitting it in where I can, just not very well at this point.

30 minutes on the treadmill feels pointless right now - but if I can do 30 minutes five times a week, it will actually make a bit of difference in the long run (I hope)!

*this little post is just how I held myself accountable for today :)

Monday, August 19, 2013

Starting over

Well a few weeks off from running turned quickly into 16! Moving across the country was part of my derailment, as well as returning to work full-time, and just flat out losing my ability to juggle and multi-task - BUT I'm slowly getting into a routine, and today I woke up and decided I NEEDED to get back into jogging regularly.

I knew it would not be an easy thing - which only made me procrastinate even longer at getting back on the treadmill. It just kept staring me down, day after day....

It's in the middle of our living room - we don't really have anywhere else to put it and I knew if it stayed in the garage, I'd NEVER make it back.

So here it has sat, the past two and a half months, staring me down, collecting dust...I seriously started feeling guilty for not using it. 

Today is a new day - I realized that I started jogging doing the Couch-to-5k a year ago on August 1st, 2012. And in those first two months, I was SO determined and motivated and dedicated, blah blah blah...that I lost 20 pounds in the first two months. And then life happened and it got harder to maintain that motivation and fitness spirit. So since then I've been "yo-yo'ing" you could say. Up 5, down 5, up 10, down 15, up 5, so on and so forth - you get it, I'm sure many of you have been there. 

Well I'm ready to stop this in between nonsense and get back into a regular exercise routine. I've realized this blog holds me accountable - somehow - by writing about my daily workouts it makes me actually do them the next day. I stopped blogging for the most part, and I stopped exercising as well. 

So I've decided this little place of the blog world is just going to have to turn into my log of exercising, if nothing else - for the time being. Again. Hey, it worked a year ago - the only difference now is that I'm in a new state, working full-time. 

Being healthy and comfortable in my own skin is extremely important to me - I have to start making it a priority and finding the time to fit it all in! 

Today was the first day back on the treadmill...and it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. I definitely lost my endurance, but it wasn't like last August when I started the C25K - and I'm very thankful for that! But it's also just day one, and it did take me about 50 minutes to run 3.1 miles. But I did it, and that's what counts today!!

I'm going to set weekly exercise goals - and log them here. Tomorrow I hope to have it all planned out!